“If you finish all the veggies on your plate, I’ll let you use my iPad for five minutes.”
“Complete your homework by today, and you can get an extra hour of playtime.”
How many times have you said something to this effect to get the job done? Probably once or twice or maybe a couple of hundred times! And we can completely understand why you resort to this method: it simply works better and faster than any other ways you’ve tried. Right? The kids polished off the veggies and completed their homework the moment they heard those words from you.
However, we, at Dayawati Modi Academy, one among the Top 5 Schools in Meerut, believe that even if deal-making is helping you get the chores done by your kids, it is actually not at all a good idea, and in fact, it can do more harm than good. So today, let us delve deeper into why deal-making is not a good idea and what the parents can do instead.
The idea of “you get what you negotiate”
If you keep making such deals frequently with the kids, they will simply absorb a notion – You get what you negotiate. And though that’s great in the business world, it doesn’t look good at all in families. Yes, we understand that the deals become so prevalent because they resolve the issue quickly and quietly. However, the kids start seeing this as a game. Thus, any future relationship that does not use such deals will find it really hard to deal with them.
Soon deals become the only way to go
It does not take long for the kids to make deals the only way to get the job done around them. They soon learn that if they hang out long enough, you will offer them enough enticement to win their favors. It will be then that the five minutes on the iPad and an extra hour of playing will not be enough to get them to do something. And it is always better not to start them on that path.
Kids get the habit of taking advantage of you
After the kids get to know that making deals can get them the things that they want the most, it will be them negotiating and initiating the deals. Soon you will hear, “You want me to complete my homework on time every day, don’t you? Get me a TV in my room, and I will do that.” In fact, there are times when parents get involved in child-initiated deals before they are even aware it is happening. Also, kids find it easier to take advantage of tired, busy, and hurrying parents. Thus, if you are offering deals to your kids to get the work done now, you will have to brace up for facing bigger issues from them in the near future.
Viable alternatives you can opt for instead of making deals with the kids
So, as we would all unequivocally agree, making deals with the kids is an absolute no-no. And to that end, we, at Dayawati Modi Academy, have a few alternative actions in this regard that you can embrace in this situation.
- Praise when they do the right thing:
We think it is important to point out and praise when kids behave the way you want them to. The praise they get and the way your face lights up while telling this to the kids will make them take note of the situation. Keep in mind that such parental recognition is a high driver for kids.
- Show them that actions have consequences
Let your actions (or the lack of it, as needed) do all the talking. For instance, instead of negotiating with the kids to pack away their toys, take away the toys that are left around and do not return them for some time. Holding firm under a tantrum makes the kids see that you really mean what you say.
At Dayawati Modi Academy, recognized among the Top 5 Schools in Meerut, we firmly believe that teaching kids about right and wrong behavior is a lengthy endeavor that must ideally start from the earliest stage of their lives. This is because behaviors and ideas are deeply imbibed in the young minds at this stage. And as such, the lessons learned now will stay with them for a lifetime.